Between Distance and Witness
Public Discipleship in a Difficult Conversation
A Public Discipleship Discussion, 003
May, 2026
In recent years, conversations around LGBTQIA+ life in the church have often settled into familiar patterns. Positions are stated. Lines are drawn. Assumptions are made about who stands where.
For many, this has led to a quiet withdrawal. Some step back because they are unsure what to say. Others hold their convictions firmly but feel the strain of real relationships that do not fit neatly into categories. Still others avoid the conversation altogether, sensing that it will lead only to conflict.
But the church does not have the option of silence.
Because this is not only a private issue. It is a matter of public discipleship—how we speak, how we relate, and what our life together communicates about the character of Christ.
So perhaps the first question is not, “Where do I stand?”
But, “What does faithfulness look like in how I stand with others—publicly, relationally, and truthfully?”
A More Complete Vision of Faithfulness
The language of Scripture gives us a way forward.
In the New Testament, the word often translated as righteousness—δικαιοσύνη (dikaiosynē)—does not simply mean being correct. It carries a fuller sense: being rightly ordered in relationship with God, and therefore rightly ordered in how we live with others.
This is closely tied to what Scripture calls faithfulness—a life of trust and loyalty toward God—and to what we often name as justice—the way right relationship takes shape in community.
These are not separate ideas. They are different dimensions of the same reality.
The Psalms make this especially clear, repeatedly holding righteousness and justice together, as if to say: a life that is right with God will be seen in how it treats others.
Which means the question before us is not only what we believe, but what our life—individually and together—reveals.
Naming the Tension Honestly
Before we go further, we need to name something plainly.
Different people experience this conversation as costly—but not in the same way.
- Some LGBTQIA+ people, loved ones and their families carry the weight of exclusion, dismissal, or being spoken about rather than known.
- Some conservatives feel that deeply held convictions are quickly labeled as harmful or dismissed as ignorance.
- Others feel caught in the middle—unsure how to remain faithful without betraying either truth or relationship.
All of this is real.
But not all responses to that pain are faithful.
Christian discipleship does not permit us to respond to discomfort, disagreement, or even conviction in ways that diminish the humanity of others.
Whatever else we believe, this must be clear:
Posture Before Position
Christians are people of conviction. That is not the problem.
But conviction does not exhaust faithfulness. Before every issue is resolved, our posture is already visible—and it is public.
We communicate something about Christ not only through what we believe, but through how we carry those beliefs—our tone, our restraint, our willingness to listen, and our refusal to harm.
It is possible to hold a sincere position and still embody it in a way that wounds. And it is possible to disagree deeply while still reflecting a spirit shaped by humility and care.
The question is not only, “What do I believe?”
It is also, “What does my way of holding this belief teach others about Jesus?”
Relationship Before Abstraction
Many of our strongest opinions are formed at a distance.
We speak in generalities. We reference ideas, movements, or trends. We rely on secondhand narratives. And over time, it becomes easier to talk about “people like that” than to remain present with actual people.
But discipleship—and public witness—does not happen in abstraction. It happens in proximity.
When we know someone—not as an issue, but as a neighbor, a colleague, a fellow believer—our responsibility changes. The conversation becomes personal, relational, and far more complex.
For many, this is where the tension begins. And rather than staying in that tension, we often manage it by creating distance.
But distance is not neutral.
What we refuse to know, we will almost certainly misunderstand.
And what we misunderstand, we are more likely to misrepresent.
Humility Before Certainty
Strong belief and deep humility are not opposites. They belong together.
It is possible to be convinced of something and still recognize the limits of one’s understanding. It is possible to speak with clarity and still listen with openness. It is possible to hold conviction without assuming completeness.
Humility asks:
- Where might I be reacting out of discomfort rather than discernment?
- Where might my understanding be partial?
- Where have I spoken without first listening?
This is not about weakening belief. It is about submitting belief to the ongoing formation of Christ.
Because public discipleship is not measured only by what we say is true—but by whether our lives reflect the character of the One we follow.
Faithfulness as Right Relationship
If righteousness is about right relationship, then it cannot be reduced to private moral clarity.
It must also be visible in how we relate to others—especially those we do not fully understand.
This means:
- refusing to reduce people to issues
- remaining attentive to the image of God in others
- taking responsibility for the relational impact of our words and actions
This does not require immediate agreement.
But it does require something many of us have not practiced well: staying in relationship without control, without caricature, and without retreat.
Gentleness as a Form of Public Witness
If We often think of justice in large, structural terms—and those matter.
But justice also takes shape in the ordinary, visible practices of a community.
It is present in how we speak about others when they are not in the room.
It is present in whether our churches feel safe for honest conversation.
It is present in whether we listen before we define.
Gentleness, in this sense, is not weakness. It is a disciplined refusal to do harm.
And in a polarized world, it is also a form of public witness.
Because a community that refuses contempt, even in disagreement, reveals something rare—and deeply needed.
A First Step
You may not be ready to resolve every question. Many are not.
But most of us are ready to take a step.
Not a step into agreement.
Not a step into abandoning conviction.
But a step into deeper faithfulness.
Do not let discomfort become distance.
Stay in the conversation.
Remain in relationship.
Refuse to speak about people in ways you would not speak to them.
For individuals, this may mean examining language, assumptions, and patterns of avoidance.
For congregations, it may mean creating spaces where listening is possible and caricature is not tolerated.
These are not dramatic actions. But they are formative ones.
Because discipleship is not only about what we conclude.
It is about what we make visible—together.
Staying at the Table
The church does not need to pretend that these questions are easy. They are not.
But neither can we afford a witness marked by distance, dismissal, or quiet avoidance.
We may not all arrive at the same conclusions. That reality is already present.
But we are all called to something deeper than agreement:
A life marked by humility.
A community marked by honesty.
A witness marked by care.
So begin here.
Do not let discomfort become distance.
Stay. Listen. Remain.
Because how we remain with one another
is part of how we follow Christ in public.
And that, too, is discipleship.
Discussion Questions
Use these with a friend, a small group, a session/board, or a clergy cohort:
- Where might discomfort be leading me to create distance rather than remain in relationship?
- How does my tone, not just my position, shape what others experience of Christ through me?
- Who are the actual people in my life I need to listen to more carefully, rather than speak about in general terms?
- What would it look like to hold conviction and humility together in a visible way?
- How can our congregation create space where honest conversation is possible without caricature or harm?
More Public Discipleship Discussions
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© Church Commons. 2026
Written by Rev. Matthew J. Skolnik unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved.
These materials may be used and adapted for worship and formational purposes within Christian communities. They may not be sold or redistributed for commercial purposes without permission.